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It happened. You have found that relationship you always hoped you would find. You have found a person with whom you share not only an intense chemistry, but also a truly deep heart and soul connection. You have created an amazing relationship place with this person. You are genuinely and totally happy.
Just when you think nothing can disrupt that amazing relationship place, it happens. Your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend (we'll just collectively refer to them as the "ex") starts contacting you. They start calling you, sending you text messages and leaving you voicemail messages. They want you to give your relationship with them another try.
It's amazing. Ex's always seem to find their way back into your life to dump all their issues on you at the very moment when you're most happy with someone else. It's like they have a special radar which alerts them that it is the perfect time to try to get you back at the very moment you are in this most happy place.
So what do you do? How do you respond to this crusade to win you back? Many people, out of the best of intentions and out of a residual feeling of caring for their ex, will not be totally honest in how they respond. Not wanting to hurt their ex, many people will either not give their ex a definitive "no" to their request and/or will downplay the depth of their feelings and commitment to their current significant other.
This is not the best way to respond to an ex. Although not intended as such, this kind of "soft pedal" response to an ex actually is damaging to all parties involved as well as to your current relationship. Here are four reasons why you need to be totally open with your ex:
1. Your Ex Will Believe There Is A Chance Until You Tell Them Otherwise: An ex who comes to you after having an "epiphany" wherein they decide they are a new person and that you need to give your relationship with the "new them" a second chance, feel very strongly that their epiphany is a truth. They believe with absolute certainty that what they feel is the right thing for both of you. When you respond to an ex in this situation, then, you must keep any measure of ambiguity out of your response. It is imperative that you are clear.
If you do not respond to an ex's plea with a very definitive "no," your ex will continue to believe there is still some chance to convince you to say yes. You need to be totally honest with your ex and tell them that there is no chance that the two of you will get back together. You need to be completely open about the fact that you are not only with someone else, but that you are with someone for whom you have very deep and intense feelings.
2. You Are Not Sparing Your Ex's Feelings: As I indicated above, you need to be totally upfront and honest with your ex about everything at the first sign that they are seeking to try to reconcile with you. You are doing no one any favors when you "protect an ex's feelings" by not being totally upfront with them. When you fail to be totally open and honest with your ex, you are not protecting them from hurt. You are instead causing them more hurt because you are not making it clear to your ex that there will be no second chance together.
You need to realize that when an ex decides they need to reconcile with you the minute they discover you are at your most happy place with someone else, your ex is doing this because in reality they are not happy. Deep down they still have feelings for you, but those feelings are all about their own issues and not about yours. So you need to clearly dispel any thoughts in your ex's head that their perceived feelings are about you, so that they can see that they need to address their own issues which are the real cause of their unhappiness. To fail to do this will only ultimately cause your ex more hurt down the line.
3. You Are Hurting Yourself: It is also important for you to completely let your past with your ex go in order for you to move forward and have the love that you really deserve. When you allow an ex who has invaded your space to linger there, you are causing yourself a lot of unnecessary hurt and preventing yourself from progressing on your own emotional path.
You already know that your ex is an ex for very important reasons. They're an ex because you already learned the lesson that they did not satisfy you in ways you needed to be satisfied. They are an ex because your heart was not touched by them in ways your heart needed to be touched. Your ex is an ex because they weren't able to get into your soul and get deep into your core like you needed. You are with someone currently who does meet all of of these needs for you, so you need to completely let your past go so you can concentrate on the person with whom you are developing a true and deep connection.
4. You Are Causing Damage To Your Current Relationship: You need to also remember that each time an ex invades your space, it hurts the sacred space you are forming with the person with whom you are currently in a relationship. The only result for you when an ex invades the sacred space you've set up with a new person, is that stress will be brought into your life and your current relationship for no reason at all.
You have met someone with whom you have been developing and experiencing a true soul connection. Allowing your ex to continue to bring stress and pain to you and to your relationship dynamic will inevitably put a strain on the bond you're building with your significant other. Your current significant other will feel disconnected from you both by your involvement in dealing with your ex, but also in their frustration in being completely unable to help you. There is no reason to allow an ex who will not be a part of your life to affect the amazing connection you have been creating.
So the next time an ex comes into your life when you are happily involved with someone else, you need to be wise in how you respond. You need to be as open and honest with your ex about your feelings about them and about your current relationship as you are with the person you're currently seeing. The reason you with the person you're currently seeing is because you feel free to be yourself in the purest form. It is in everyone's best interest that you do so. So even though it is not always easy, being completely open and honest with an ex is the kindest thing you can do for your ex, for your current relationship and for yourself.
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On a hill above this town, at a bend in the road overlooking an impossibly green valley, someone has painted a sign on a post. It says “Dios esta aqui.” God is here. No matter what your religious beliefs, this place makes you believe in a higher power.
This is where magical things happen. On the day of the summer solstice, not one…but two….rainbows appeared in the sky, one above the other. Two perfect arcs framing the mountain below.
Everywhere, people stopped what they were doing, just to stand and stare.
The local people believe that the sacred snow-capped mountain is the region’s protector.
Living among these people, with their earthy spirituality and colorful traditions, is a major attraction of this part of the country. Most still wear their traditional costumes—not just for fiestas, but every day—and they are fiercely proud of their culture. (Where else can you pop in for a shamanic cleansing as if you were going to the dry cleaner’s back home?)
Family means everything. Long into their toddler years, babies are carried in shawls wrapped and tied on mother’s backs. This works like some kind of super-security blanket and you won’t see a baby throwing a tantrum.
Sunday is market day, when the villagers bring their wares to sell. Everything from fruits and vegetables to ground spices, woven baskets, and rope made of woven plastic shopping bags—recycling at its best. And then there are the roses…I pay $5 for five-dozen, long-stemmed roses that are so fresh they last nearly three weeks. Needless to say, our home is always filled with flowers.
The weather is perfect. It’s around 75 degrees in the daytime and 55 degrees at night—just right for us. We wear jeans and T-shirts most of the time and always have a sweater or jacket at hand for when the clouds pass in front of the sun.
Our apartment has a perfect view of the mountain and we enjoy sitting on our terrace and watching the landscape change as the clouds and sun play with the mountains. We chose to live in a condo because we can lock the door, walk away, and when we return a few months later everything is as we left it. We don’t have to worry about security or a garden that needs tending. For $10, a local woman cleans the place from top to bottom for us.
To find out more about this country–the winner of IL’s Global Retirement Index—and the other 24 world’s top retirement havens, subscribe to IL magazine with this link.
"Why don't you talk much about happiness, as most Tibetan teachers do?"
Why, indeed? Doesn't everyone, in the end, seek happiness?
Perhaps. Perhaps it depends on what happiness means to you.
Happiness, I think, is usually associated with a feeling of pleasure and the absence of pain. As such, I think it is both frivolous and unrealistic. It's frivolous because pleasure is a transient state, subject to change, and dependent on many conditions, internal and external. It's unrealistic because life is unpredictable and pain can come at anytime. The spate of books on happiness are particular troubling as they lead people to believe that this is a viable objective in life, and, worse, that one should be happy. Big pharma is no doubt delighted with this view as they can then happily (sic) present themselves as fulfilling a cultural need by peddling drugs for SAD (social anxiety disorder), grief (see this article), and related conditions which are increasingly being regarded as medical and mental pathologies instead of part of the ups and downs of the human condition.
Indeed, the quest for happiness is, in another way, the continuation of the traditional view of religion and spiritual practice, namely, a way of transcending the human condition. Valhalla, paradise, heaven, nirvana all hold out the promise of eternal life, bliss, purity, and union, four basic spiritual longings that are at the heart of all our suffering and struggle.
As Don Cupitt notes in his book The Great Questions of Life, we are at the beginning (possibly in the middle, but definitely not at the end) of a global shift in the concept of religion, a shift away from the view of religion as a way of transcending the human condition and toward a view that religion is about embracing the human condition. He opens this talk with a description of how the use of the language of life has, over the past century, largely replaced the language of religion.
Thus, for me, spiritual practice is now not so much about happiness as about completion, a way of experiencing life that is as complete as possible in each and every moment.
This approach to spiritual practice was not what I initially sought. Like most people, I sought some kind of transcendence, if not in God, then in various god surrogates such as mahamudra, pristine awareness, or, ironically, dzogchen, which means, literally, great completion. My experience in retreat was not one of transcendence, but one of descent, a descent into prolonged physical and emotional challenges that left me no option but to experience exactly what was arising. Taking and sending (mahayana mind training) was often the only form of practice I could do, and it worked, not in the sense of easing the pain or finding some transcendent state, but in providing me with a way to be in my experience, not blocking it, nor being consumed by it.
One principle that I learned then, though one I've had to learn and relearn it again and again, is that when we see and accept what is actually happening, even if it is very difficult or painful, mind and body relax, and in that rest, there is an exquisite quality that comes through just experiencing what arises, completely, with no separation.
Some might call it joy, but it is not a giddy or excited joy. Rather it is a deep and quiet joy, a joy that, in some sense is always there, waiting for us, but usually touched only when some challenge, pain, or tragedy leaves us with no other option.
Others might call it truth, but this is a loaded and misleading word, carrying with it the notion of something that might exist apart from the experience itself. The notion of truth sets up an opposition, with what is held to be false, and such duality necessarily
Again, in the three-year retreat, one of the daily prayers contained the line "Though beings want to be happy, their efforts just produce suffering." At first, it seemed to me that these lines referred to a lack of skill, that is, if beings understood and applied the principles of karma, then they would not suffer as much. Better, if they experienced the "true nature of things," then they wouldn't suffer at all. But as time passed and I went through my own struggles, I came to understand these lines in a different way: the desire for happiness itself is a form of suffering as it leads us to struggle with experience, e.g., in the context of relationships, the desire for continual happiness undermines emotional connection.
Thus, for me, the purpose of practice is now the development of the willingness, skills, and capacities to be able to be with whatever arises in this experience we call "life," nothing more, and nothing less. This way of experiencing life brings with it a sense of completeness, not spilling anything into the world because we can't experience it, and not suppressing anything, either.
This blog was inspired by a friend who asked me to help him to purchase a suit. Clothes, fabric, style and design are attached to my DNA, so to speak. The kind of DNA I'm referring to is Design, Nuance and Attractiveness. These three characteristics are what make any clothing item truly desirable. In addition, they can affect how the wearer feels in an item of clothing.
When I was a lad I used to visit my father's tailoring shop every Sunday, which was located smack in the middle of Brick Lane, east London. In those days the street was the epicentre of London Jewry. It was littered with kosher butchers, fabric emporiums, bakeries and a Yiddish theatre. Dad's shop, "Russell Sinclair," named after my middle name and his partner's son's middle name, struck a distinctive note where the shop front awnings were occupied by Rosenberg, Levy, Shmulovitch and Bernstein.
Dad instinctively knew how to design a pair of trousers that would look great and as importantly, felt great to wear. He intuitively knew how to cut a precise pattern for them and did so with flair and apparent ease. Many years ago I recall walking along Kings Road, Chelsea, wearing a pair of green gabardine bell bottoms my father made for me. Strangers approached me, asking where I had purchased my trousers. They were that good. Had it not been for the choice of fabric, the cut and fit, they would have been just another pair of ordinary trousers. Whenever I wore them I felt confident, stylish and as if I was just a little special. That's how well designed clothes can make you feel. They can lift your spirits and buoy your self confidence.
Nuance is not something on which our current culture seems to focus, particularly when it comes to fashion and clothing design. However, nuance is critical in any design that is likely to have longevity, be that a building or a suit. One of the dictionary's synonyms for nuance is "refinement", a perfect description for the kind of attire I'm referring to. And when one wears clothes that are refined, that's exactly how we feel - refined. Furthermore, when we act and communicate in a refined fashion, the combination of that inner and outer refinement is a winning formula; it also promotes feelings of greater self esteem.
In order for anything to have the word attractiveness attributed to it, it must have eye appeal which is produced primarily by visual stimuli. This is often prompted by a gut feeling - you see something and for reasons you can't explain, you are drawn to it. On the day I helped my friend to buy a suit my eye was taken by a single sleeve that hung in the middle of about a dozen others. The way the fabric of the sleeve almost glistened, its iridescence, drew me to it. The sleeve draped softly the way quality fabrics tend to, that's when I knew that my friend would look great in it and feel great wearing it. And as soon as he tried the jacket on and felt the soft fabric slip over his shoulders, he smiled. When he looked at the jacket in the mirror, his smile widened, he stood straighter, held his head higher and we both knew he'd found his suit. It was as if the DNA of the suit matched his DNA.
Here's how you can find a good DNA match:
Design:
- Look for simplicity. Less is more.
- Avoid additional design features, such as zips that don't work or additional buttons that have no practical use.
- If you don't feel you have an eye for clothes design, find something else that resonates with you visually and use those elements to inform your clothing choices.
Nuance:
- If any clothing item you try on says more about the clothing than about you, think again.
- If you decide to enlist the help of a Personal Shopper, be sure she or he feels, looks and sounds right for you.
- If the item looks as though it's of the moment or trendy, know that it won't have longevity.
Attractiveness:
- If you feel as though you are more attractive when you try on a new clothing item, it's an indication that you are making a good choice.
- When your eye is almost magnetically drawn to something, acknowledge that and investigate further.
- Be open to new visual experiences, which at first may seem different, yet are likely to widen your ideas about what you find visually attractive.
More bad news for CNET founder Halsey Minor. We've been watching as he has divested himself of some of his art and real estate and now his long-stalled Landmark Hotel project in Charlottesville, Virginia is in major trouble. Minor Family Hotels, LLC, the official owner of the hotel, filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection in federal bankruptcy court.Minor made around $100 million from the sale of his technology company CNET in 2000 but he has spent quite a bit since then. In 2006 he bought a home in the Bel Air area for $20 million. In 2008 he put the home on the market for just $12.9 million and rumors were that much of the home was in disrepair. He eventually cut down the price to $11.4 million. It appears to be still owned by Minor and is not on the market. In 2007 he bought the Koshland mansion in San Francisco, an eight-bedroom mansion built to resemble Marie Antoinette's Le Petit Trianon and was reported to be spending $15 million to fix it up. Fox Ridge Farm, his 205-acre farm near Charlottesville, Virginia faced foreclosure twice but Minor eventually brought the mortgage current avoiding a second public auction in February 2010. The stalled Landmark Hotel project has remained in a state of partial construction for years.
In a press release Minor Family Hotels stated that it filed Chapter 11 "in order to more quickly resolve the burdensome lawsuits that have prevented it from completing construction and putting people back to work." Minor is fighting off a total of eight lawsuits involving the Landmark Hotel, in Georgia and Virginia courts. In the release, Minor says that he remains committed to seeing the project through.
A trial involving Minor, former Landmark developer Lee Danielson, the FDIC and Specialty Finance Group, the real estate financing company that was supposed to lend Minor $23.6 million for the construction of the hotel in 2008 was scheduled for November. Specialty Finance Group's parent company, Atlanta-based Silverton Bank failed in May of last year and was taken over by the FDIC. The Chapter 11 filing means that the trial is on hold. The loan for the Landmark is divided among multiple banks. Documents in the bankruptcy suit show 20 creditors. Some have criticized the Chapter 11 filing as just a stalling tactic and question whether the 100-room boutique hotel project will ever be completed.
Filed under: Luxury Travel & Hotels
Chapter 11 Filed For Halsey Minor's Landmark Hotel originally appeared on Luxist on Thu, 02 Sep 2010 19:01:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.
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Long beloved by residents of the Windy City, The James Hotel brings its unique blend of residential cool to SoHo with the opening of its first New York City property. Anchoring the southwest corner of Soho at Grand and Thompson Streets, The James is currently accepting reservations at its 114 guestrooms and suites.
"The stylish and culturally rich neighborhood of Soho is the ideal home for The James New York," said Brooke Barrett, co-CEO of Denihan Hospitality Group, owners and operators of The James brand.
In homage to the creative neighborhood it calls home, The James New York will feature a mix of local and international artists, both prominent and up-and-coming. In an effort to be both child and pet-friendly, the hotel will offer both pajama sets and Paul Frank coloring sheets. Dog beds and doggy bowls will be provided by Soho-based pet retail shop Doggystyle, along with a specially-created amenity treat bag.
Continue reading The James Hotel Opens Second Outpost in SoHo
Filed under: Luxury Travel & Hotels
The James Hotel Opens Second Outpost in SoHo originally appeared on Luxist on Thu, 02 Sep 2010 18:01:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.
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The Lanvin Ouloulou Satin Pouchette makes us say "Ooh la la!"There's nothing like peach satin to give an outfit vintage appeal. This pretty pouchette has a hammered satin flap front, a delicate chain-link strap and a grosgrain pompom detail. The button covers a magnetic closure and adds shape to this lovely, peaches-and-cream purse.
Though it's a little pinker in person, this Italian-made bag exudes charm and innocence. The pouchette itself is 6" x 9.5" x 2" and lined in satin, ensuring only the very best treatment for the goodies you put inside it. While this would be difficult to pull off with a contrasting color, we'd love to see this with a little black dress, a little white dress or maybe, maybe a black-and-white pattern.
One extra thing to love about this purse: shiny satin transitions perfectly into the holiday season, and you'll definitely be able to carry this from now until the company holiday party.
The Lanvin Ouloulou Satin Pouchette is available from Barneys for $990.
Filed under: Handbags
Lanvin Ouloulou Satin Pouchette, Handbag of the Day originally appeared on Luxist on Thu, 02 Sep 2010 17:01:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.
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I was vacationing in Prince Edward Island, Canada this summer when I came across this article in The Globe and Mail: "The World Would Love to Be Canadian." The writer, Joe Friesen, cites this startling statistic: "Given the choice, 53 percent of adults in the world's 24 leading economies said they would immigrate to Canada."
I'm teetering on the edge of joining them.
This isn't a whimsical decision on my part. It's been brewing since 1974, when my father took our family on our one and only camping trip. He rented an RV and we headed north from Massachusetts to Prince Edward Island, which he described as "a peaceful emerald isle of enchantment, where the sands are red and the waters sparkle silver." Dad had never read "Anne of Green Gables", but he made PEI sound tantalizing, like the Land of Oz without the Wicked Witch and her horrible flying monkeys.
Sadly, my mother did not take to camping. "Just more chores for me!" she declared, and forced us to turn around in Maine after driving a grand total of four hours. My parents were divorced soon after that.
Fast forward to my own divorce. When my first husband and I split up, I had two young children; I was dead set on giving them a family vacation, man or no man. Affording a beach vacation in New England was impossible on my single-parent salary, so I convinced a friend and her kids to join us on a week-long trip to Prince Edward Island after spotting an ad for a cottage there that rented for just $400 a week.
We drove 12 hours north from Massachusetts with our kids making more noise in that van than most rock concerts. Between the various stops to pee and feed them all, it was midnight by the time we reached the island. (In those days, the only way to get to PEI was the ferry.) The cottage was on a rutted red dirt road (still plenty of those up there, for all of you "Anne of Green Gables" fans). I was shaking with fatigue by the time we arrived. It was pitch black all around us, but the sky was a bowl of stars and we could smell the sea.
We woke the next morning to the sound of fiddle music. I sat up and looked out my window at Rustico Bay, where great blue herons dotted the shore. Tall purple and pink lupins waved like some Disney cartoon animation; I half expected the flowers to sing. Across the bay was a tall white church, and that's where the fiddle music was coming from: a festival that we attended that very afternoon. I was hooked on PEI from that moment on.
I've gone back to Prince Edward Island every summer for the past 14 years, and sometimes in the fall or even winter, when the snow blows across the potato fields and the roads disappear out from under you. There is never a time when I don't love it.
Yes, there are certainly moments while driving up Route 95 through Maine (where the state motto should be "Maine, the Infinite State") when I think, "This is so not worth it." Even in New Brunswick, where I've come to love the Bay of Fundy's rocky shoreline and the long stretches of farmland with their big brown loaves of hay and spotted cows, I sometimes think, "Why can't I find a closer place to love?" Then I cross the Confederation Bridge from the mainland to Prince Edward Island and fall in love with the place all over again. The colors seem brighter and the air is clearer here than anywhere else on earth.
The Globe and Mail article reports that more than three-quarters of those surveyed in China said they'd prefer to live in Canada, followed by Mexico and India at nearly 70 percent. Most respondents perceived Canada as a place where rights and freedoms are respected on a deeper level than anywhere else.
Is this true? By now, I've explored most parts of Canada, including many of its cities, from Vancouver to Ottawa, from Montreal to St. John. There is urban blight, as there is in the U.S., and visible evidence of unemployment -- the Canadian unemployment rate is just over 8 percent overall. Certainly Canada isn't free of crime or substance abuse. The last time I was in St. John with my mother, one drunken, spacey fellow stepped onto the escalator behind Mom and rested his chin on her shoulder, passing out for a second until she barked at him to back off.
Yet, wherever I've been in Canada, there is an overall feeling of goodwill from most people -- my husband calls most Canadians "pathologically friendly" because of their willingness to chat you up -- and generosity abounds. Most recently, I was staying at a friend's house on PEI when another friend brought her bike over for my husband to pump up the tire. Within minutes, we were joined by two other neighbors, both asking if we needed help. They stayed for an hour.
Three years ago, my brother and I went in on a small summer cottage on PEI. It's a typical cottage, mostly porch, overlooking Malpeque Bay. I bought it online, sight unseen, and we've camped out in it happily every summer, renting out empty weeks to help sustain the costs of having an extra house. This summer, I spotted the perfect year-round house for sale in the more remote eastern part of the island, near our favorite beach. Now we're trying to decide whether to buy that one as well. This sounds luxurious, even decadent, this idea of having second homes, but neither costs more than most new cars here.
If we bought the farmhouse, I imagine one day retiring there with my second husband, or living there half of every year after the last of our five kids is off to college. I dream of raising alpacas and selling the wool; my husband is arguing on behalf of goats and cheese-making. Both are pipe dreams at this point. Sensibly, we'd probably do better just doing what we do now: writing and software engineering. But it's the simplicity of having a ramshackle farmhouse on Prince Edward Island that lures us -- and the good neighbors I know we'd find there.
Should we, or shouldn't we, go for this dream? Am I fooling myself about Canada because the news headlines here are so awful (think war, oil spills, harsh immigration legislation)? Is it a purely escapist impulse, the kind we all have when fantasizing about living in our favorite vacation spots, that makes me want to flee north of the border? Or is Canada really a better place to live?
I just lost two jobs, and the curious thing is I don't feel bad. At first, I had to assume I was in shock or denial, but now I get why I feel not just okay, but pretty good about my new circumstances. After 30 years as a magazine editor and writer, I was laid off in mid-July. I am fully aware that I'm one of the more fortunate among the unemployed in America today. My thoughts these days are often with the painfully huge number of unemployed people who are truly struggling for survival in a way that I am not. It's for this very reason, in part, that I insist on recognizing my unexpected blessings rather than whine about losing my job. I do face an uncertain future and that makes me anxious. I'm a single mother with two teenage daughters--one just delivered to college and the other hard on her heels--and a sizable mortgage to pay. I do lie awake some nights worrying. But mostly, I'm fine.
Speaking of my first-born off to college, that's the second job that just ended for me. (Thanks to my younger daughter, I'm still in the business of mothering, only with a modified job description.) Many people, especially other parents, offered their condolences and commiseration as I flew with my girl across the country to settle her into her dorm in California. Some parents even asked me how I "allowed" her to apply to a school so far away, as if I would limit her choices because of my need for her to stay close. Still, I had to ask myself, is something wrong with me? Why aren't I sad, upset, or a wreck in some way? I felt happy and excited for her and perhaps the swell of these emotions trumped all the rest, at least for the time being. I am proud of this self-possessed young woman and this does put a lump in my throat. I like the lump. Our goodbye hugs on campus the other day were tinged with neither sadness nor regret.
Which brings me to the benefits of my professional unemployment. How perfect the coincidence: I stopped going to work just over a month before freshman orientation. I had all this time to be home, helping my daughter prepare mentally, emotionally and materially for this Big Change in her life. While her kid sister was away, we shopped, went to doctor appointments, made lists, packed, watched Netflix films and talked more intimately than ever before (not during the films. She has trained me well.) I felt blessed to have had so much time with her, being there without hovering too close, but really being there. Had I still been commuting to my former job, I would not have been so available; we might have run around frantically on a Saturday or two to check things off the to-do list, but I would have missed the richness of the mother-daughter unbonding-bonding experience. As would she have.
There's another benefit to my unemployment: I get a break! After 30 years of going to work, the last 19 in a sleep-deprived state due to juggling motherhood and career, I can catch up on sleep. (Never mind that I'm wakeful between 1 a.m. and 3 a.m.) I don't have to dress for work, commute, feel guilty about getting home too late to make a proper dinner for my family. While I hope it doesn't last too long, I treasure this pause. It allows me to take some distance and ponder my options in work and parenting, not to mention my lifestyle and self-care. Oh yeah, that. And no excuse now for not cleaning out closets or painting the kitchen. I used to feel stressed every day to be leaving things unfinished at home to go to the office, and then leave unfinished work on my desk to go home every evening and not quite finish things there again. This crazy-making cycle can't be good for a soul. (I never intended to try for Super-Mom, but that's another story I'll save for an upcoming post entitled, "How I Failed the Women's Movement.")
Another benefit of unemployment redounds to my younger daughter in the form of, if you ask her, a threat of torture. She's entering 10th grade in our public school. Ninth grade was no picnic. Juggling volleyball and homework was a bear of a challenge. Last year, it killed me not to be home to check in on the homework and make some dinner before her 6 p.m. practice. "Hey, honey, guess what?" I teased her recently. "I'll be there for you after school now. We're going to be very close this fall." She raised her closed fist above her head and tilted her head to one side while tugging an invisible noose and making a ghastly face. But she smiled then, and I smiled back. If the right job comes my way before she has a chance to nail her midterms, so be it. And I'll be grateful. But for now, I'm going to seize a precious opportunity.
Mercury, the fastest planet in the Solar System, is retrograding until Sep 13. Of course the planet didn't shift gear to reverse, but from earth it looks as if it is going backward. Imagine when you are standing at a traffic light and the car next to you moves forward, it feels to you as if you are going backward. When Mercury, the planet of communication, computers, business, trade and travel, retrogrades, these aspects of life are subject to disruption.
On the other hand, one can use these times for any activity beginning with the prefix "Re," such as: rewrite, renegotiate, renew, remodel, revisit, return, reconnect and with interest rates at the lowest they have ever been, refinance.
Mercury, Hermes in the Greek mythology, was the god of thieves, liars and tricksters, as well as orators, traders and speech writers. Now you know why at least astrologically speaking you cannot always trust politicians, traders and writers (including me, that is if I qualify as one).
Since Mercury started his retrograde motion on August 20th, the news are filled with interesting "return" stories. Here are a few:
Ken Mehlman, former Republican National Committee chairman's, decided to "come out" and return to the true nature of his identity. Melhman was instrumental in getting President Bush elected to his second term. He was a vocal part of Carl Rove's scheme to mobilize conservative voters by bringing gay marriages into the spotlight and away from John Kerry. Mehlman is the highest ranking Republican to come out of the closet, thus far, and used mercury in retrograde end a lifelong lie and regain his wholeness. I am sure he will be able to live a happier more fulfilled life. And as a Republican, he now has the chance to help his party embrace, both legally and emotionally, same sex marriage.
Also in the news, we find the official return of the U.S. troupes from Iraq, while it is true that 50,000 will remain for at least another year, it still a great achievement for a planet in retrograde.
The Palestinians and Israelis sit face to face on September 2. Starting peace talk on Mercury retrograde? Hmm ... you know what, who knows, maybe mercury is going to confuse the negotiators to such a degree that they might actually like each other. In that case, a trickster blessing in disguise, we might enjoy peace on earth in our lifetime. Amen.
In the next two weeks try to avoid big purchases and or signing papers. Pay extra attention to bank statements, lock your car (Mercury was the god of thieves after all), and take more time to arrive to important meetings. Since Mercury is retrograding in Virgo, the sign of pets, health, diet, work and routine, you might experience more disruption in those aspects of life.
If you have any interesting Mercury retrograde stories, please share them with us. Any wild synchronicity, coincidences, glitches or computer meltdown stories will be appreciated.
This year marks the 15th anniversary of Chubby Checker's mega-hit, "The Twist." Checker himself is celebrating by performing in venues across the country.
"The Twist" is the only single to hit number one TWICE -- in 1960 and 1962. Other than being the most successful single of all time, the dance introduced a new style of dancing to mainstream America: dancing on your own.
Checker described this revolution in song and style as, "Dancing apart from the beat." Women no longer had to wait for a partner to lead the way. They were free to come up with their own steps!
This was just the start of many other freedoms coming down the road for women in the years following "The Twist," including freedom from unplanned pregnancies and the freedom to pursue careers. Still, even now, there is more to be done because most women make less than what men earn. Also, women often work two or three shifts when housework and caregiving are considered.
However, women don't have to choose the limited roles of the past. Today, most women can decide when, where, with whom, and how, they will dance. Yes, there are forces beyond our control that can limit our options, but we ought not to be ashamed, or afraid, of dancing by ourselves.
Feminists probably wouldn't recognize the significance of "The Twist" in female emancipation, nevertheless, there is something to be said for dancing by yourself. It speaks to finding joy from within. Don't get me wrong, dancing with a partner is great and can be very fulfilling. Let's face it, some people love synchronized steps. However, partners aren't always available or they may not be inclined to join you.
There are times when you have to crank up the music and go it alone. Not everyone has the wherewithal, or desire, to travel the world in search of themselves like the woman in "Eat, Pray, Love." (Or was her real goal finding romance?)
Every woman has the ability to find her inner dance from right where she is now. It may be in the midst of turmoil and upheaval, or during a time of solitude and tranquility. Whatever the case, JUST DANCE!
Even though Checker exhorted women with, "Come on Baby" and, "Come Here Little Miss" no doubt, once women got on the dance floor, they realized they were on their own to twist up, down, left and right.
You ARE on your own, and it's okay! Create your own steps. Twist to your own music. Eyes closed and FREE!
Luxe British lingerie designer Agent Provocateur has unveiled its "lavish and luxurious" collections for fall, designed to inspire desire. Some pieces like the "Maddy" model above are interlaced with eye-catching fuchsia silk while others are finished in a leopard print. Several designs are inspired by the 1950s while others evoke the glamor of 1930s Hollywood. The promotional campaign for the collections has a voyeuristic theme and features several steamy "homemade" stag film-type video clips. In fact, they were shot by music video director Johan Renck, the man behind Kylie's "Love At First Sight" and Beyoncé's "Me, Myself And I", British GQ reports. Nightdresses, slips, corsets, kimonos, garter belts and even a barely-there "playsuit" comprise the rest of the eye-popping offerings. Check out one of the racy video clips after the jump.
Continue reading Agent Provocateur Unveils Feisty Fall Collection [video]
Agent Provocateur Unveils Feisty Fall Collection [video] originally appeared on Luxist on Thu, 02 Sep 2010 16:01:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.
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With September 5-11 marking National Suicide Prevention Week, I would like to use this blog to encourage everyone to learn the CPR to prevent suicide. Because people who feel suicidal are ambivalent--part of them wants to die but part of them wants to live--it is possible to reach out to them, and connect with, support and strengthen the part of them that wants to live. By learning how to detect risk and reach out effectively, we can all help to save a life.
This year you may have noticed more headlines involving suicide. Though commonly a subject swept under the rug, speculation about an increase in the national suicide rate makes bringing the topic out in the open more important than ever. Though statistics on 2010 suicide rates aren't yet available, there has been a notable increase in calls to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline since the start of the recession. In addition, it's recently been reported that there have been more military lives lost to suicide than to the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. The concern over the possibility of increased suicides may correlate not only with military service but also with the economic state of our country, considerations that bring the subject of suicide closer to home than we may have believed it to be.
According to statistics from the American Association of Suicidology (AAS), suicide is the 11th leading cause of death in the United States, with more deaths by suicide than homicide occurring in the US every year. An average of one person completes suicides every 15.2 minutes, while one person makes a suicide attempt every 38 seconds. For every suicide, there is an average of six people who are intimately impacted. It has been estimated that 4.6 million Americans have survived the loss of someone close to them to suicide.
Keeping the subject of suicide in the dark can lead to lives lost that could have been saved, and to survivors ignored and left to deal with their complex emotions in isolation. So what actions can each of us take to help save a life? This month on PsychologyToday.com, I have outlined a list of directives for preventing suicide that include:
You can learn more about each of these preventative measures by watching "Understanding and Preventing Suicide" this September 9 at 11 a.m. PDT. I will be hosting this free one-hour webinar designed to help the public and professionals learn the warning signs of suicide as well as the helper tasks that can save a life. You can also read "Let's Put a Stop to Suicide" on PsychologyToday.com.
For a comprehensive guide to preventing suicide visit PsychAlive's Suicide Prevention Advice page
Remember, if you or someone you know is in crisis or in need of immediate help call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). This is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, a free hotline available 24 hours a day to anyone in emotional distress or suicidal crisis or who is worried about someone they love.
John Bryne recently left "Business Week" as their Editor in Chief to start C-Change Media whose first offering is Poets and Quants, a site devoted to the MBA space. He started the Business Week MBA rankings while at that publication and he has not gone rogue in reporting the truth about them and in setting up face off comparisons between them.
If you or anyone you know is considering an MBA, his site is a must. He recently shared the following with me and I am reprinting it here with his permission.
How much weight should you give business school rankings in deciding where to go for your MBA?
Like most things in life, there is no simple answer. Surveys show that the number one factor in choosing a business school is reputation and image. There is no single more influential measurement of reputation and image than a ranking.
Still, it's important to remember that there are no perfect measurement systems to determine the best schools. The methodology behind every ranking -- whether Business Week, U.S. News & World Report, The Wall Street Journal, the Financial Times, or The Economist --has inherent flaws built into them. So you need to know what a ranking is actually measuring and whether those measured attributes even matter to you. That's one of the reasons why I launched PoetsandQuants.com. There's way too much information out there without enough insight and analysis. We took apart all of the rankings, closely examining their strengths and weaknesses, and published our own ranking of the rankers. Yes, I did this with my tongue firmly planted in my cheek. After all, I have the rather dubious distinction of starting this game by creating the first regularly published business school rankings at Business Week in 1988.
You also should know that many of the media brands that rank business schools have tweaked their methodologies over the years, making year-to-year comparisons even on the same ranking tricky business. And in truth, the differences between a school that ranks fifth and one that ranks tenth can be so close as to be statistically insignificant. That's also why we published a new ranking of the top schools with index numbers attached to each position so you can decide whether the differences in rank are great enough to matter.
Under no circumstances should you choose a school solely on the basis of its ranking in any of these surveys. It is merely one factor among many to weigh. Far more important than a school's rank is its culture and how that environment matches up with your personality, your study habits and your ultimate professional goals.
If you're interested in a smaller, more intimate setting to study for your MBA but still have the advantage of a supportive alumni network, you would choose Dartmouth's Tuck School or Stanford over Harvard or Wharton. If you're keenly interested in going to Wall Street, you might favor Columbia or Wharton, arguably the best business schools in finance. If you want a school based on the first year compensation it will likely get you, then Harvard or Stanford is where you want to go.
Of course, very few people can get into these elite schools. And that's where rankings become far more valuable because their primary benefit applies to schools that are not universally among the top 10 or 20 institutions. Why? Because that's where there generally is less information available to make the best decision. Long before there were rankings, for example, there were at least 50 schools that contended they were among the top 25, and 100 schools that claimed they were in the top 50. Rankings, however imperfect, have helped to put more accountability into what business schools claim.
Even so, rankings perpetuate elitist thinking. The prestige and value of an MBA experience shouldn't only go to the brand name schools that end up on these lists. There are hundreds of other business schools that can offer you a first rate education and an invaluable experience. A business school, whether it's in the top 50 schools or not, is a marketplace of ideas. It is filled with smart people who want more out of their lives and are willing to invest their time, their intellect and their money to get it.
So while an MBA from a brand name school high in the rankings does have more cache, will open more doors and impress far more people, the actual educational experience may only be slightly better than what you could get from a program that fails to make a list of the top 50. As Lee Shulman, the former president of the Carnegie Foundation for the Advancement of Teaching, told us recently, "Just because it's Kleenex doesn't mean it's the best place to blow your nose." Just because it's Harvard doesn't mean it's the best place to get your MBA.
Despite what countless others before me insisted to the contrary, when I was pregnant I postulated that any kid born to me would be the exception to all the classic pratfalls of childhood, like nose picking, an unhealthy obsession with belly button lint, and adolescence.
However, as if on cue on her second birthday last month, my daughter put the final nail in the coffin of my theory and buried it seven feet underground (the extra foot for emphasis) as she became a professional two-year-old.
At around six o'clock that evening I opened the refrigerator and scanned its contents, musing out loud, "What should I make you for dinner?" It was at that moment that she spied the leftover cake from her birthday party.
"Cake?" she squeaked.
"No, silly girl," I chuckled. "We don't eat cake for dinner."
"Cake! Din din! Cake! Din din! CAAAAAAKE!" she howled.
She spent the next 10 minutes sprawled out on the kitchen floor weeping in front of the refrigerator, tears spurting down her cheeks and snot shooting from her nose with all the force of a BP oil well.
While I know from personal experience that a piece of cake can legitimately evoke a great deal of passion and emotion, hers certainly wasn't the reaction I expected from a child who has historically opted for peas over French fries and bananas (yes, several of them) over chocolate pudding.
As it turns out, that was just the first in what is becoming a long line of food-related tantrums. A few days after that my dad and I took her out for an ice cream cone, and about 11 minutes, 9 licks and 23 shirt stains later, it accidentally dropped to the ground. Instead of getting her a new one, we kind of shrugged and told her it was all gone.
For what seemed like an eternity afterward, she wailed, "Eye crim cahn," so we attempted to buy her silence with an ice cream bar from my parents' freezer when we got back to their house. While devouring it, however, she continued crying, "Eye crim CAHN." Apparently the Popsicle stick failed as an acceptable substitute for a wafer cone.
As her ability to communicate verbally expands exponentially, many of her outbursts seem to be linked to her inability to express herself even more clearly. Unfortunately for her, when we figure out what she's trying to say, it doesn't necessarily result in a satisfaction guarantee.
"Watch tee bee?" she often asks, now that she's figured out how.
"No TV right now," we usually tell her, particularly if she's already coming off a Barney marathon.
"Watch tee bee! Watch tee bee! WATCH TEE BEE!" she'll sob, shaking the remote at the direction of the television as if it'll understand intuitively what's she after and turn on and to Sprout, despite the crucial fact that none of the correct buttons are being pressed.
The people who live next door and those in neighboring towns are now keenly aware and equally distressed when there's an active moratorium on television in our home. We're looking into buying new eardrums in bulk to see if that'll take the sting out of the inevitable "your daughter is responsible for my acute hearing loss" class-action lawsuit.
We were clicking through pictures of her favorite subject (herself) on my computer on an airplane last week when the pilot instructed all passengers to power down their electronic devices in preparation for landing. Feral cats and certifiable lunatics are capable of more grace and dignity than my daughter showed at that moment.
"Pictures baby! Pictures baby! PICTURES BABY!" she screeched as she wriggled out her seat belt, kicking, hissing and shrieking for a full 20 minutes.
The women in the row behind us were sympathetic, telling me in soothing tones, "This is worse for you than anyone else."
The people sitting in the row ahead of us appeared to disagree, turning around frequently to shoot daggers from their eyes, shake their heads and cluck their tongues. It probably didn't help that when I swung out of the way when my enraged daughter tried to pull my hair, she succeed instead in grabbing what there was of it on the head of the man in front of me.
That kind of wrath isn't limited to airplanes and photos.
"Drop bunny!" she's been bawling lately when she throws her plush toy on the floor of the car.
"Drop BUNNY wabbit! Drop bunny WABBIT!" she'll then scream so as to clear up any confusion in case I might have mistakenly thought she was referring to an old-fashioned television antennae or a soft-core porn model instead of her stuffed white one with whiskers and droopy ears.
When I risk crashing into the median by turning around to retrieve it, she'll grab it from me, cling to it, bite its nose and laugh through her tears like she's reuniting with her long lost lover in a Nicholas Sparks novel. Until she throws it down again.
Every time I've thought she's been transitioning out of a particularly unpleasant phase, those same parents who predicted it in the first place seem to take an evil joy in letting me know that as bad as that one was, it's only about to get worse. Three is the new two; four is the new three. So much to look forward to.
But at least I take a secret delight in knowing that as challenging as my kid can be, theirs always seem worse. Just like I always knew it would be.
If you travel solo, they will ask you. Elbows perched and eyes hungry, they will lean in, as though towards some kind of truth, some answer, a hint at a riddle only the very lucky even get to ask: "But don't you get lonely?"
And I don't know about you, but I will answer honestly. Which is to say, with an answer I don't entirely understand: "I don't feel lonely when I travel."
This is not notable because I travel alone. It is not notable because I like to traipse off into foreign countries where I don't speak the language and am not familiar with the customs, where I stand out like the 5'10" tattooed white girl I am. No, this feeling of okayness is notable because most of my life has been marked by a desperate, gnawing loneliness.
It doesn't have much to do with friends, with how often I go out dancing or how many responses I get to status updates. This loneliness, this sense of being on the outside looking in, comes from a hollow place inside, near the center: a thirsty vessel. It's a little piece of luggage I carry with me, always. Except, that is, when I'm actually carrying luggage.
So why would I feel the least alone, the least like an outsider, when I am in fact the most on the outside?
Nothing may better prepare us to travel than a feeling of otherness. And travel writers are perhaps the ultimate outsiders -- as one Tom Swick recently said, outsiders "times two." From living legends like Pico Iyer to newcomers like Suzanne Roberts, travel writers often cite a feeling of outsiderness as having readied them for their professions. I once heard someone claim that a disproportionate number of travel writers have been gay. Whether or not the assertion is true, the reasoning follows suit: people that perpetually feel like outsiders are more comfortable in that role. They're more adaptable, not turned off by lack of familiarity and cultural anchor points, but enlivened by it.
But it's more than that. When we travel alone, we strip away all familiarities. Everything is new and nothing -- not the street signs or smells or sounds people make -- makes sense. We have nothing to cling to, no one to help us find the hotel or discern the menu or listen to our worries. Like a meditation, we are forced out of the clatter and into the here and now, the exactitude of the present.
Travel takes away everydayness of life, all the meat and skin and muscle of it, and leaves us with something closer to the bone, to the pure, uncut truth of it: that, as HuffPost blogger Zachary Stockill recently remarked: "The more of the world one experiences the more it is made abundantly clear that no matter where in the world ones travels, the human experience is one of remarkable uniformity." And when we travel alone, we have nothing do but sit and observe and be still with the burning red fact of it.
If travel does, as Pico Iyer asserted in his seminal essay "Why We Travel" return us to a simpler, more innocent version of ourselves, it also returns us to a simpler, more innocent version of the world. And while we realize just how provincial our lives and beliefs and assumptions are, we simultaneously have revealed to us the beautiful simplicity of the human experience.
Because most often, most everywhere you go in the world, you will be an outsider. And so will everyone else. You will be alone with everybody, on the outside with everybody, leaning in, peering in, palms cupped and breath clouds forming, towards some truth at the center of it all, held behind glass like some glowing gem -- that no one, no one, ever gets inside of. And in that way, you won't ever be alone.
At least that how it feels to me.
Cunard's new Queen Elizabeth luxury liner (above), successor of the QE2, will have a branch of London's famed food emporium Fortnum & Mason, holder of a Royal Warrant, onboard when it sets sail in October. The move marks the first time ever in Fortnum & Mason's 300-year history that its luxurious products have been available to purchase at sea. The shipboard Fortnum's will join a host of other British brands setting up shop on the Queen Elizabeth, including men's style mecca Hackett of London, Scotland's famed Harris Tweed, fashion designer Anya Hindmarch and famed fragrance merchant Penhaligons. Several brands have also announced special items produced exclusively for the ship which will only be available onboard. The Queen Elizabeth can accommodate over 2,000 passengers in its luxe Art Deco-style interior.
Filed under: Luxury Travel & Hotels, Yachts & Sailing, Luxury Shopping
Cunard's New Queen Elizabeth to Have a Fortnum & Mason Onboard originally appeared on Luxist on Thu, 02 Sep 2010 15:02:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.
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Perhaps. If not handled carefully.
I visited an Aikido site that appeared to be run by a serious teacher who stated that he was "an author and Aikido instructor, 6 dan Aikikai." He also teaches the sword art iaido. He seemed to have substantial credentials but as I scrolled down his home page there was an ad for an Asian dating site where I could browse photos.
Although Aikido is a physical training that can feel intimate given the close body contact mixing carnal ideas with the rigors of self mastery felt inappropriate.
In addition, the subhead of this Aikido site was "the peaceful martial art." The video clearly demonstrated what the website's owner had a certain level of mastery, but all of that good will and trust was shattered when I saw a photo of a comely young Asian girl thrusting out her chest invitingly.
The next Google ad that popped up was from a firearms training institute, which made me ask myself is this in keeping with the author's promise of promoting "a peaceful martial art?" As much as Aikido is Budo it doesn't advocate guns as part of its martial practice, so it goes against one of the core teachings of peacefulness.
I imagine that this instructor may have no idea that these Google ads are viewable on his site since they rotate regularly -- yet it warrants attention, the same close attention that's paid to technique, attitude and comportment -- in and out of the dojo (training hall). Part of the philosophy of Aikido is to consistently carry your training off the mat into your life to live a harmonious existence.
In an instant your reputation can be hampered or destroyed with such simple thoughtlessness. I remember one accomplished senpai (mentor or teacher) in our dojo losing his temper quite dramatically when he hit his head on the wall taking ukemi (the art of falling or doing a roll) when he was thrown. While it didn't destroy his credibility as a teacher, his intense anger and outburst did give me pause. We are all human after all. Still, it says something about his character.
Everything you do, say, are and think from your words to your website add up to the message you give to the world. One of Benjamin Franklin's 12 Rules of Management is, "Deliberately cultivate your reputation and legacy." Don't be silly about making a few pennies from your website at the expense of your business, your reputation and ultimately your legacy.
I was having a conversation with a friend recently about happiness. Our conversation began with her asking me if I thought that buying a new house would make her happier (she asked this question only half facetiously). My initial reaction was that a house can't bring happiness. In fact, a robust finding of the growing body of research on happiness is that money and material things don't increase happiness once basic needs are met (and her current house exceeds that minimal threshold). Further, contrary to popular perception, some of the best predictors of happiness have nothing to do with "stuff" (as George Carlin riffed so insightfully and humorously in his now-famous rant). The quality of your relationships, a satisfying career, having a passion for something, pursuing meaningful goals and having a positive attitude bring people the most happiness.
But then I got to thinking about the meaning of a house (and other stuff) beyond its shelter and comforts. I decided that a house could potentially make my friend happier, but only if two criteria are met. One, is the house in which she currently lives (e.g., the physical structure, neighborhood, or location) inconsistent with what she values or the lifestyle that she wants to lead? For example, if you live in a suburban development, but love the city, open space or 1920's home architecture, then your house might interfere with your happiness. Two, would a new house be more consistent with what she values and enhance the quality of her life experience? For instance, does its design give you aesthetic pleasure or does its location give you easy access to activities that you enjoy?
In other words, happiness doesn't come from our stuff, but the values that underlie our stuff and how it impacts the quality of our lives. For example, I have several very nice bikes and they make me happy. But they don't make me happy because I own the bikes or they are expensive or they look very cool (if you're into bikes), but rather because they are consistent with my values of exercise and the outdoors, and they enhance the quality of my biking experience.
Will things outside of ourselves make a sea change to our happiness? I'm not sure. But I do believe that the more we align our outer worlds (e.g., home, neighborhood, marriage, friends, work, avocations -- each of us has our own list) with our inner worlds (what gives us meaning, satisfaction and joy), the more likely happiness will result. So, finding happiness is about creating that congruence between our inner and outer worlds, our values and the lives we live.
A danger in looking for the stuff that will be consistent with what we value is that if it continues to escape us, we may continue looking for and getting more stuff that we think will provide that fit. In fact, that's a real problem in our aspirational culture where so many are looking for the B.B.D. (bigger, better deal) in the futile belief that they will, sooner or later, after much consumption, find that thing that will bring them true happiness. Of course, in all likelihood, they won't because they're looking in the wrong places.
Now here's an interesting question: If people align their lives with "bad" values (I realize I'm making a judgment here), for example, celebrity, physical appearance and conspicuous consumption, in other words, just about everything that is valued in our popular culture, will they find happiness according to my theory? As I noted above, according to the research, the answer to that question is no. But if you really believe that a fancy car, a role on a reality TV show, or augmented breasts will make you happy, well then, wouldn't it? I'm not thoroughly convinced one way or the other, but I guess I'll conclude to the contrary. I believe that there is something intrinsically meaningful in things that really do bring happiness and that intrinsic value is simply missing from those superficial things.
My friend offered what might be a better alternative than trying to change our lives to better fit our values. She suggested that, rather than changing our outer world, we should alter our inner world. In other words, we should change our values or our attitude toward what we have so we can more comfortably accept the life we have instead of pining for the life we wish for. For example, we could focus on the joys that our present life provide or simply be grateful for what we have. Or we could look other places that might more directly influence our happiness, such as our relationships, work or even within ourselves. This approach has the benefit of saving us a lot of time and money because we wouldn't be looking for and buying that next thing that we absolutely know will bring us happiness. A downside to this strategy is that it may be harder to change our minds than to change our stuff; years of therapy or yoga or "Eat, Pray, Love" global searching may be even more time consuming and expensive.
I suppose when all is said and done (and, by the way, more is almost always said than done), the best way to find that happiness that eludes so many of us is to strike a balance between changing our inner and outer worlds, in which we make small changes to both. In this process, we can more easily create that sought after alignment between our values and our lives by bringing our two worlds closer together without requiring a 7.3 on the Richter scale "lifequake." The result of which is, happily enough, happiness.
Make no mistake. The tidy little space where aesthetician Madeleine Friedrich does manicures, pedicures, facials, and waxing is something of a time warp. Her studio is on the second floor of an old building and looks as if nothing has been changed for at least 25 years. So why do high profilers who could easily book their bikini waxes at Bliss or Lucy Peters return month after month to this simple place. Friedrich, who has a PhD from her native Romania, is a perfectionist. She also knows more about waxing that probably anyone in Manhattan. Her secret: "take the root out," she says showing a client the difference between waxes which break the hair and her special honey was treatment which evicts the hair roots from your skin."Many clients have troubles with in-grown hair which has to be treated with special care," she says Working alone or with an assistant using only natural products, Friedrich specializes in Brazilian waxing but as one client says, "You get waxing and an hour's psychotherapy all in one visit. Although she is a well-guarded secret among women and some men (clients' boy friends or relatives only), she does facials and everything else the old-fashioned way. Many facial treatments today consist of multiple massages, creams, and masks. Not chez Friedrich. "I have a medical background so I do extractions with sterilized needles," she explains adding that no one is going to leave her tiny studio with so much as a blackhead, an errant eyebrow, or less than perfect pedicure. Madeleine Europe Spa is at 1095 Second Avenue between 57th and 58th Street: by appointment only 212-593-5297.
Filed under: Spas
Madeleine Euro Spa in Manhattan originally appeared on Luxist on Thu, 02 Sep 2010 14:01:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.
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Nobody I know likes honey cake all that much. Including myself. Unless you count my mother. But I don't because she's a food sentimentalist. Still, every Jewish New Year, in addition to securing temple seats, planning family gatherings and holiday fare, many of us begin plotting honey cake in a subconscious desire to make that particular dessert tastier by virtue of forethought. That strategy hasn't worked so far and I don't care what you've heard about honey cake improving with age like fine wine and chocolate cake (and brisket for that matter as long as you if you freeze it ASAP and then let it thaw slowly in its own juices.) To me, even at best -- moist and pungently sweet -- honey cake tastes like something that should be eaten the next morning with a frothy cappuccino.
I have another problem with honey cake: My son Eden. He is allergic to nuts, dairy, soy and only tolerates eggs in small quantities cooked at high heat. So I want to find a egg, milk, soy and nut-free, good tasting honey cake for my Rosh Hashanah dinners. Oh. And I'm willing to bake or buy. Any takers? Look, omitting milk from honey cake isn't a big deal since original recipes assumed kosher households. And nuts are excluded from many traditional recipes floating around cyber space. Eggs are far more problematic. Most classic recipes for honey cake call for three to four eggs. I went online and found a lovely sounding bakery that indeed offers a nut, egg and dairy free cake but their secret lies in "whipped soy cream." Bummer.
As I continued to clickity-clack at my keyboard, I found a Honey Chocolate Cake recipe by Nigella Lawson. (Alternative #1) It predicted Nigella-like deliciousness. Besides the added bonus of chocolate, that cake fit all my requirements with the exception of calling for two eggs (hard) and butter (easy to substitute.) While it was by no means complicated, the recipe was slightly more involved than I like to involve myself. I emailed Nigella's recipe to my foodie pal Alison to see what she thought of dropping an egg. Can I get away with it? I pleaded via email. Oh and do I really need a springform pan?
See here's the other problem: I'm lazy with food. Much of the time, I'd prefer that someone else cook or bake it to my liking. Lazy me -- facing two Rosh Hashanah meals where I must ensure that Eden has safe substitutes for traditional Jewish foods. Now here is the problem with foodie types: They think that challenges are the point. My friend cyber-scolded me back: Just play with it! And even after her upbraiding I have doubts about that second egg.
At our extended family Rosh Hashanah dinners we dip challah and apples into honey at the start of our meal and pray for a sweet year to come. So I won't detail how and why three out of four of my immediate family members have an oral allergy to apples and unless I feel like watching their lips puff up as if injected with edible Botox, apple and honey based desserts (like apple honey cake) are out. But there will be many children at my dinners and when you are twelve and under, it's nice to have dessert after sitting through a long adult dinner. To most kids, challah is good but it's not dessert.
Of course there are many other honey-centric desserts. Though most involve my son's allergens (to review: milk, nuts, peanuts, soy, eggs sort of, and seeds.) In fact we have a family recipe for Hanukah fritters, called Bimuelos, which is yeasted dough drizzled in warm honey syrup. (Alternative #2) And I'm toying with a hybrid of nut-free Baklava. (Alternative #3) Plus I'll probably fiddle with Nigella Lawson's cake well in advance, knowing that if it flops (literally) I can always revert to my usual go-to dairy, egg and nut free chocolate cake and maybe create an accompanying honey sauce. As with most special occasions (with the exception of fasting religious holidays) I've heard many espouse the notion "It's not about the food!" Yet reality often brings me to a less hallowed place when planning a meal around food allergies. So don't get me started on that holiday...
When did the words "I Love You" become as common an expression and as insignificant as "See you," or "Talk to you later?" Maybe I'm overly sensitive, but to me the word LOVE means just that.
I guess I spent too many of my developmental years going to the movies. Its affect on me was to make me a hopeless romantic. I wanted to be the girl in the movie who meets the young man. He looks at me, I look at him, and sparks fly. We are in love. We will marry, have 2.1 children and have the house with the white picket fence. I will always keep a perfect home, cook perfect meals, raise perfect children, look at him with all the love I feel and he will return my love. We are one. Whenever he says, "I love you," to me, he will mean it from the bottom of his heart. Whenever I reply, "I love you," I will mean it from the bottom of my heart.
I know that that's not what life is all about, but I always longed for this life, or at least part of it. One day I met a young man. He looked at me, I looked at him and we recognized something so very special. It fulfilled me in a way that is beyond description. I had a love that gave me so many of what the early movies had promised. Well not the white picket fence, and not the children. I'd had that already. He gave me hope, excitement, lust and a love that filled my heart with joy. Eventually, we each went on to have our separate lives, yet because our moments had brought us each a wonderful sense of worth and love, we would look back at them with enduring fondness.
What I remember so vividly was the very first time he said, "I love you," to me. He looked at me in a way that every woman would want a man to look at her; a sense of astonishment crossed his face. He uttered the magic words to me, and to him it was a revelation, a revelation that he could love someone other than himself, love someone more than himself. I could sense how hard it was for the words to flow from his lips. I looked into his radiant face. His look of shock and happiness was reflected there, and he grinned then, and added, "I really do." He was enthralled with what he had told me. He had never before told any woman that he loved her. I carried his look in my heart for years and years.
That look will always belong to me, but those words are now given so freely to so many for so little, that when I hear them they are meaningless. Those were once special words, and now they are the same as saying "hello" or "goodbye" or worse yet typing xoxoxo. Gone is the real meaning of love, replaced by just two letters to type on a computer to just about anyone you know.
Today's home is one of the most intriguing that I've seen. It's got quite a back story. This retreat in Lake Elsinore, California was built in 1929 by architect Edwin Dickman for the renowned evangelist and founder of the International Church of the Foursquare Gospel, Aimee Semple McPherson. Sister Aimee was an evangelist and media celebrity in the 1920s and 1930s. A televangelist before there was such a thing, she traveled the country preaching in revivals and also had a radio show that drew many listeners. In 1926 she disappeared and later re-appeared claiming she'd been kidnapped, a charge which was never proven. This home was a retreat and conference center. It cost $286,000 to build in 1929.
The castle perched high above the lake is a combination of Moorish Revival architecture with a touch of Art Deco. The home was in disrepair for some years but has undergone extensive repairs and now shines again with white plaster walls, minaret style spires and a cerulean blue tiled dome topping a prayer tower. The renovation preserved the original interiors with Moorish arches and intricate wall and ceiling decorations. The five-bedroom home has a large pool and terrace, atrium, an oversized living room, a stunning blue domed dining room, kitchen, servants quarters, gym, and a 2-car garage with direct access through a hidden tunnel. The home is listed at $1.245 million.
Continue reading Sister Aimee's Castle, Estate of the Day
Sister Aimee's Castle, Estate of the Day originally appeared on Luxist on Thu, 02 Sep 2010 13:01:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.
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This is the quote on a decorative towel that hangs in my home (see image below). After calling off my wedding about five years ago, I bought this towel on a shopping trip with a friend. At the time, the quote and the picture of the woman made me smile and helped me to gain a new perspective on the loss of my relationship. It was towel therapy, and it worked. The question is: does it still work today?
Up until I moved to Austin from Nashville (less than a month ago), the towel hung in a prominent place in my home--the living area. Friends would see it and laugh. Guys I dated would see it, and, well, there were a variety of reactions. I think it was a big red flag to some and others chuckled. I am not sure if they were laughing at the towel or at me.
When I moved to Austin, I thought about putting the towel aside--starting a new life in a new place without any negative or sarcastic energy toward dating, wedding engagements or marriage. That plan lasted a couple of days (while I was driving from Tennessee to Texas and the towel was packed in a box in the moving truck). As soon as I unpacked the box that held the towel, I just couldn't put it aside. I did decide to demote the decorative piece from the living area to a bit less prominent position--above the toilet in the bathroom. (I'm not sure if that holds any significance or not!)
I don't know much about Feng Shui, but I am starting to wonder if my decorative towel is somehow influencing my behaviors toward men. Am I not truly open to a relationship? I just moved to Austin, and many guys have said hi to me as I've walked around my neighborhood. I have mentioned this before, but my knee-jerk reaction is to duck my head and look the other way, particularly when it comes to a man that I am actually interested in. If you've ever attended one of my presentations, you know that I'm not shy in front of an audience. Boy, am I ever shy (and oblivious) when it comes to men!
Here's another example. Recently, I was checking into a hotel for a speaking engagement. My friend who hired me for the talk was helping carry my luggage into the hotel and noticed that the front desk clerk (a young apparently single man) was checking me out as he checked me into my room. At least, that's what my friend said later. I had absolutely no idea. It didn't even cross my mind that the hotel clerk was interested in me in any kind of way. I told my best friend about this story, and he said, "Jen, I've been telling you that for years."
I always write about what I am most learning (and I guess I am a slow learner). Today, what I am trying to understand most is myself in relationship with others. My move to Austin has already helped me to realize that I am still closed off in many ways when it comes to men and dating. I participated in a meditation class last weekend and actually concentrated on opening my heart in this area. Since then, I have already made some progress--at least, in my awareness of things. All of this stuff is very challenging!
So what about the towel? Does it need to go or can it stay? Or is it not about the towel at all but about me? My commitment to myself (and online here to you) is to be more open. I'd love to hear your thoughts on relationships and my home decorating as well. Your comments are always great!
Single in the Live Music Capital of the World,
Jenni
This piece is in a series I am posting related to dating. You will also find this series on my Facebook Notes page. (There are already some great comments posted on Facebook from others!) If you have dated me and you are reading this, thanks for being a part of my experience. This is all in good fun! I am grateful.
It's one of the most disgusting predilections a dog can develop: poop-eating. You might think that such a foul habit points to a nutritional deficiency or that it means Fido's not getting enough to eat, but actually poop-eating (a.k.a. coprophagia) is a common pastime among dogs. It's quite normal, but still disgusting. In fact, female dogs with litters of pups have to lick their pup's rear end to stimulate pooping and the licking doesn't stop once the pup starts going.
Most dogs in all-dog households never show a proclivity for poop. In households where dogs and cats coexist, though, owners should take care to check Fido's breath before letting him say hello, because dogs like cat poop the way kids like candy. Once a dog figures out that indoor sand-filled boxes contain tasty morsels of "used cat food," they frequent these sites in hopes of finding a "kitty roca surprise."
How is it that a waste product could become a delightful dessert for some dogs? It all started thousands of years ago. Originally domestic dogs descended from hunters, but more recently the descendants have been scavengers. This tendency to scavenge can be seen in the present day "wild" model of the domestic dog--the village dog. While dogs in the U.S. experience the luxury of a cozy home, free meals and regular veterinary check-ups, three quarters of the world's dogs are feral dogs, most of whom have chosen to live in villages near people. These motley mutts make their living by preying on stolen tidbits, human leftovers and feces of all kinds. Those tame enough to hang out close to humans and indiscriminate enough to eat anything with nutritive value survive the best.
Among our coddled domestic dogs, many retain a strong desire to scavenge. They raid trashcans and left out lunch bags. A bias for dung depends on access to the morsels, level of other interesting activities, and personal preference. Luckily for most owners, like humans who never develop a taste for escargot, many dogs never develop a taste for poop.
So what can you do if your dog likes to feast on feces? It doesn't hurt to try some of the over-the-counter products that supposedly make poop taste bad. Or to even lace poop with peppers regularly for several weeks--assuming they don't just learn the smell of chili pepper-laced poop. On the other hand, what could possibly taste worse than poop? A more successful solution is to just deny access to the delicacy by cleaning it up ASAP. And don't waste time punishing Fido for exhibiting the horrible habit in front of you. He'll still snack on it behind your back. Rather, just call him to you before or as soon as you see him heading towards the stinky delicacy. Then reward him for coming when called and sticking with you instead of going after the poop.
Sophia Yin, DVM
A version of this article first appeared in Dr Yin's Pet Tales pet column in The San Francisco Chronicle in 1999.
For more articles and videos on puppy training, please visit Dr Yin's website at DrSophiaYin.com
All winter long I look forward to the flexible freedom of summer. No schedules! But this time of year, when I must return to the thankless task of organizing my daughter's closet, tossing this and saving that and getting together all she needs for back to school, I quickly remember the value of having a schedule.
Put it on your calendar:
Schedule time to check your credit.
Have you taken some time off from paying attention to your credit? Whether you need to rebuild your credit or just continue keeping it in check, my number one rule is to be aware. So if you've recently taken a break, it's time to get back on track beginning with what's being reported about you. Contact Experian, Equifax and Trans Union for your credit reports and look them over carefully. Each should be reporting mostly the same information, but because they do not share information with each other you will want to review each one separately.
Schedule to use of one or two old credit cards to use this month and next month as well.
If you have not used a credit card in awhile, put it back into circulation. Schedule it in to your calendar making sure to mark down when the bill is due. Showing activity on your accounts will help your credit.
Schedule time to expand your credit
If you've closed accounts and/or have no credit cards, one way you can begin rebuilding your credit it by obtaining a store account with a savings account. There are many banks that have these cards, so shop around. Go for a card you'll actually use and with a good rate.
Schedule to make payments based on when you receive your paycheck
If you've been using your credit a lot and have high balances on credit cards, start making a plan to pay them down. As your balances lower your FICO score will rise.
Schedule it in to follow me on Huffington Post.
You need to stay aware of your credit. Follow me here to continue your credit education and to keep up to date.
Ariel Adams publishes the luxury watch reviews site aBlogtoRead.com.
Filed under: Timepieces / Watches
Kyboe Watches: Fun Fashion From The Netherlands originally appeared on Luxist on Thu, 02 Sep 2010 12:01:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.
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